Authenticity

To everything There is a season And a time to every purpose, under heaven   A time to be born, a time to die A time to plant, a time to reap A time to kill, a time to heal A time to laugh, a time to weep   To everything There is a season And a time to every purpose, under heaven   A time to build up, a time to break down A time to dance, a time to mourn A time to cast away stone, a time to gather stones together   To everything There is a season And a time to every purpose, under heaven   A time to gain, a time to lose A time to rend, a time to sew A time for love, a time for hate A time for peace.   Nice, isn’t it? I was reminded of this song, or bible verse, however you prefer to look at it, most recently. I don’t know if this ever happens to you, but it happens to me quite frequently: I start seeing a quote, a phrase, a poem everywhere. It’s kind of annoying. I keep hoping that I’ll see the winning Texas Powerball numbers instead. So far no dice, the powers seem to just be limited to prose. But then my intuition reminds me that this is probably something I need to pay attention to and maybe if I’d didn’t stick my head in the sand like an oversized ostrich, I’d probably learn something useful.   So I tuned into the message and found myself thinking, 2021 has been a hell of a ride in ways I never could have anticipated. I have found myself fluttering between two states – hyperactivity and lethargy. Okay fine, if I’m more honest than not, it’s the later state. This is quite hard for me to say, the recovering perfection junkie that I am. There have been several mornings that I’ve woken up, and frankly, I haven’t felt like doing much. So I didn’t. Don’t take this to mean I sat around in my highly alluring bathrobe all day with my husband and cats watching reruns of Judge Judy and eating Velveeta and rotel (don’t knock the golden cheese food goodness until you’ve tried it). I don’t need an intervention just yet. I did all the usual things, coached clients, paid bills, went to the grocery store, redecorated my office, planted a garden which I even actually managed to get a couple of eggplants from, until it got infested by these weird snails and flies that destroyed it. You know, normal life stuff.   But all the while there was this nagging voice in my head. You haven’t made progress on your childfree group. At one point I had this vision of building it to about a million ladies and using it as a platform to achieve Oprah like stardom. You haven’t written another book, the voice kept nagging. I will admit I’ve started at least two […]

  A Bad Case of the Mondays I woke up on the wrong side of the bed the other day.  It was just one of those days.  The kind of day when your entire body feels heavy and lethargic, almost as though someone sucked all the energy out of you with a Dyson turbo.  Every movement felt slow and labored, like I was pulling my limbs through an endless chest deep river of water.  I forced myself out of the house at 7:15 am with a double espresso and made my heavy legs carry me all the way to boot camp.  Of course it was the day coach the boot camp coach decided on a power burpee session.  10 burpees a minute.  Minute after minute after minute.  Four minutes in my body was screaming and I wanted to burst into tears.  No amount of “mental reframing” worked.  It was just one of those days when you have to suck it up. When the torture had finally ended and I arrived back home, I warned my husband to stay a good 15 feet away from me at all times, because I was having “one of those days.” At this point you might be wondering what the heck had crawled up my ass and died.  But nothing bad had happened.  Nothing had changed from the day before.  Nothing was technically wrong.  Except for the fact that I felt like shit and my mood was beyond foul. Now, ordinarily when something like this happens, as a life coach my first thought is to resolve it.  What affirmation can I say that will make me feel better?  What gratitudes can I journal that will bring about a sense of open heartedness?  Perhaps I need to dust off Pema Chodron’s Practicing Peace in Times of War?  What 7 steps to happiness blog can I find on facebook?  What book can I read? I looked down at my kindle and eyed my newest purchase, a book on positive psychology by the highly notable Tal Ben – Shahar, “Choose the Life You Want:  The Mindful Way to Happiness.”  I stared at it on my kindle and took it all in.  The bold colors.  The lofty promises on the cover which spoke of endless happiness and serenity.  Perhaps the secret to my unhappiness lay somewhere in this treasure trove of self-help solutions? But the book stayed closed. Let it Be It was at that point I had a sudden flash of inspiration, and did something quite different than my usual life coach reporitee:  I let it be. Let it be, you may ask?  “Okay Shelley, I know it’s a great song, and was one of the most popular Beatles hits ever, even despite the fact John Lennon hated it.  But really, let it be?” Yes, let it be. It was in that moment I decided to let myself feel the frustration, the sadness, the melancholy, the hopelessness, the lethargy. I didn’t try to analyze it.  I didn’t try […]

I debated it back and forth in my mind before I sent the text. “Should I or shouldn’t I?” “What if she didn’t mean it?” “Then it’s going to be awkward from this point forward.” “People say things all the time about getting together but they never do.” I quickly wrote the text and hit send before I could give it another thought. Hey Kristin, it’s Shelley from boot camp.  Would you and Vince be up for meeting for drinks/dinner the weekend of the 21st? No response that evening, which didn’t surprise me.  I know she works late at an urgent care clinic. No response the next day either, and I must admit at this point I started to feel a bit foolish. Or the day after that. And just in case you’re wondering, she never did respond. And yes it was terribly awkward, especially the day I saw her again at boot camp. I saw her out of the corner of my eye approaching, looked up and flashed a nervous smile in her direction and then felt that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  You know the one.  It’s the feeling that makes you want to run and hide when you realize you’re the last classmate standing and neither side has picked you for their team in gym class.  (I was the smart one, not the sporty one.) I tried not to make eye contact and busied myself with my weights.  She dropped her mat down next to mine and the workout began.  A few minutes in she leaned over and said, “I’m so sorry I haven’t responded to your text, things have been really crazy busy the last few days.” Her profuse apologies made me feel worse, the sinking feeling was back, and I did my best to reassure her while doing jumping jacks that it was no problem at all.  “It will work out whenever the time is right,” I heard myself saying. The next time I saw her at boot camp it was the same story.  And the same the time after that.  She kept apologizing.  And I kept reassuring her that it was no big deal, I wasn’t offended, I understand how life goes. After the 3rd or 4th crazy busy the shame and embarrassment turned to anger. Wtf!  Who the hell does this woman think she is! Does she think I’m just sitting around waiting for the opportunity when she and her husband grace us with their presence at dinner? What a bitch. And then the righteous indignation set in. Why me?  Here I am trying to do something nice like I always do and no one appreciates it. Why am I the one who always has to coordinate everything?  Why am I the one who always has to be the heavy? Why am I the one who always puts myself out there and gets humiliated?  If she ever does come up with a date for dinner, I’ll tell her we’re busy.  […]