burnout

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about burnout.  It’s part of how I market myself, it speaks strongly to the demographic of coaching client I try to reach.  And it’s an epidemic.  One that many organizations struggle to address.  One of the organizations I currently work with reports a burnout rate close to 90% for its staff.  There’s loads of guidance out there on building resiliency, tips on self-care, tips on time management.  And it’s all wonderful – but I don’t think it speaks to the root cause.  I’ve worked incredibly hard on things in the past that were passion projects – and I felt renewed and excited rather than depleted at the conclusion of these. Are you giving from a place of joy or fear? I’m convinced that burnout is less about how much you’re giving and more about the energy of the place you’re giving from.  Are your efforts coming from a place of joy, or a place of fear?  It’s a very interesting question to consider.  And if I’m super honest, lately it’s been fear for me.  And as I result, I’ve been feeling off.  Lethargic, tired, drained, frustrated, purposeless, aimless.  Which is tough to admit for me considering the name of my business is True North.  As I result, I’ve shied away from writing this blog.  I haven’t felt like myself and I haven’t had the energy.  And I couldn’t figure out why.  And then the other day the answer hit me squarely in the face like a ton of bricks.  One of the programs I facilitate is a journey of leadership for an energy client.  It’s one of my favorites because it goes deep.  It speaks to things like learner mindset, emotional intelligence, psychology, triggers, psychological safety.  The inner journey of leadership if you will.  My cofacilitators are amazing.  One is a guy I’ve worked with before during a previous stage of my career.  He’s probably the most knowledgeable and accomplished coach and facilitator I’ve ever worked with.  He’s got numerous degrees, he’s got numerous PHDs.  Loads more experience than me, plus he’s super articulate to boot. When we give from a place of fear, we invite burnout in I’ve ended up working with him more than usual the last few months.  Great, right?  What an incredible opportunity to learn from someone more experienced and accomplished than myself.  I keep telling myself that, because intellectually I know that’s the “right” way to think about this situation.  But that’s not what I’ve been doing.  What I’ve realized in the last week or so, is that I’ve been silently and unconsciously comparing myself to him.  I’ve been silently sabotaging myself.  There’s a subtle voice that’s been carrying on unchecked during our work together, softly whispering into my ear things like: As a result, I’ve been over-preparing for my sections.  Second guessing every word coming out of my mouth.  Viciously chastising myself after a day of delivering that it wasn’t better.  Worrying about how to change my style

The last few weeks have been interesting ones – for a good chunk of March my husband and I took a vacation with my parents to Africa to go on safari.  I’ve been in a reflective place since then, thinking about the fun and excitement of the trip, but also thinking about how far I’ve come in my relationship with my parents, particularly with my father.  Family relationships can be tough, especially parent – child ones, and then there’s the added aspect of how we as children tend to put our parents on a pedestal.  It’s hard not to, when you think about it.  I’ve lived it, many of my clients have lived it, and while well intended, there are several unintended consequences in doing so.  It manifests in a lack of decisiveness when it comes to things like career choices, life choices, increases codependency and can really muddy the waters where clear thinking is concerned. When I think about the impact this had on my life, it’s profound.  It’s hard to just “be,” when you’re so busy trying to be someone else’s version of you.  Inadvertently and unconsciously, we give our power away and when we do we grow increasingly resentful of the other person.  Why can’t he see me for who I am?  Why can’t he appreciate me for the person I’ve become?  We feel pushed or compelled to do things out of family obligation and anger and resentment builds and builds.  Left unchecked it can completely poison the relationship.  I thank God it didn’t in the case of me and my dad.  When I truly think about it, for many years I was playing the part of the victim who had to do what he said without any choice in the matter, and my dad was the persecutor in our dynamic.  The more the anger built, the more I distanced myself from him – my tactic was to isolate myself rather than fight.  Over the years I’ve worked hard to pull him down from the pedestal I created.  And it’s important to note that I was the one that created it. Pedestals keep us from being able to truly love Putting others on a pedestal isn’t fair in two ways.  It’s not fair to yourself, because in effect what you’re doing is giving your power away as you seek approval and validation from the person on the pedestal.  But it’s also not fair to the other person.  It puts pressure on them, it creates unrealistic expectations that they need to live up to.  It creates a sense of division, of separation.  And the greater that sense of separation, the harder it is for love to enter the equation.  The harder it is to see that person for the truth of who they really are – a flawed, messy, beautiful human being, doing their best, worthy of unconditional love all the same.  That’s how I see my Dad now.  And I appreciate him for who he is, just