growth mindset

“Shelley, I’ve had this ring for a while.”  She took it off her finger and showed me.  “I gave this to myself as a gift after I completed a really big climb.” I looked down.  It was a simple silver ring with a mountain scene carved into it.  I said nothing in reply.  I was still trying to catch my breath. “Inside I had it engraved,” she said.  As she held it up, I could see the etching in the sunlight. “Inside it says – ‘We do not conquer the mountain, we conquer ourselves’.” I choked back the tears and looked away.  Luckily, I was already at the back the group, where none of the other hikers could see me.  And I thought to myself, now it begins… —————– Every 4-5 years I take what I often refer to as my spiritual pilgrimage.  The first one was Kilimanjaro.  The second was the high passes around Everest.  I pick something insanely hard that requires deep physical exertion and then I go off, by myself, on a guided expedition with other hikers I’ve never met before.  Why do I do it, I’m not really sure.  I’ve found that at these times I’m usually searching for something.  Maybe I’m searching for meaning.  Maybe searching for inspiration.  Often at these times I’m at a crossroads in my life and wondering what the next challenge or direction should be.  There’s something magical that happens when you put your body through an extreme test.  At least for me.  Your mind switches off.  The experience forces you to get into your body in a different way.  To become more present to it.  To become aware of it.  To learn to rely on it.  Things seem simpler, less complicated.  The stories and lies we tell ourselves fall away on the trail.  The only thing that really matters at that moment is pushing yourself to keep going.  To take step after another painful step. The other thing that often falls away is ego.  In that moment when Cindy showed me her ring, it annihilated what was left of mine.  I had sized her up earlier in the day, I looked to be in better shape.  I’d done more challenging hikes in the past – mind you it was the very distant past.  But still.  I should have been crushing day 2.  And instead, I was the caboose.  With more and more distance opening between me and the rest of my group no matter how hard I pushed myself.  The shame was rising in my cheeks.  But I just couldn’t go any faster.  I hadn’t trained enough.  I had assumed my base level of fitness would carry me through, and it wasn’t. The importance of pain in cultivating humble leadership The physical world can teach us so many important lessons.  I talk a good talk about humility and cultivating humble leadership or servant leadership.  It comes up all the time in leadership sessions.  Just yesterday I was talking about the […]

Impostor syndrome is one of those interesting and universal things – in my opinion we all suffer from it.  It shows up in many ways – failure to try new things because we’re afraid we’re going to fail, we don’t speak up in a meeting and so we never get credit for the idea, we don’t ask for the promotion, we don’t ask for help, we avoid asking for feedback or we over defend if we do get it, we overwork something to death because it’s not quite perfect yet, we fail to advocate for ourselves… We all suffer silently and repeat the same patterns I could go on and on.  And we’re somewhat aware of the cost of this, as it makes life a lot more painful to live.  We KNOW in our heads that we suffer from impostor syndrome.  We might read books on it, we’ve taken the online quiz, maybe even our therapist told us.  So we look for new techniques on how to solve this problem, we look to apply a new perspective and think carefully about what the morning affirmation needs to say (that is, if we remember to do it.). Maybe we practice meditation hoping and praying it will disappear, or we call our doctor and ask for a prescription for the daily anxiety we’re battling and just can’t seem to shake no matter how successful we are, no matter how many things get ticked off the to do list.  Because there’s always more.  We practice self-care because that’s the solution, right?  A massage, getting the nails done, we tell ourselves that we need to be kinder to ourselves.  But deep down we KNOW we don’t deserve it.  Our nails look great and inside we’re still a mess.  And we go about our business of repeating the same cycles, the same patterns of suffering, because obviously there’s no real fix to this, otherwise somebody would have figured it out by now. Impostor syndrome can’t be solved by the same thinking that creates it There is a fix.  The problem is we’re often looking in the wrong place.  Impostor syndrome can’t be solved by the same problem that creates it.  It’s not a thinking problem.  It can’t be solved in the head.  It can only be solved in the heart.  The heart – an interesting concept for many of us to take in.  It’s a place many of us aren’t super familiar with and frankly don’t have much experience with.  And yet we all have one.  How does this happen and how can this be?  Because adulthood often entails learning how not to feel things.  Learning how to hide things.  Learning how to cope with the difficulties of life, and feelings will just get in the way and get us in trouble.  We learn early on as children that feelings are often scary and if we express them, we’ll probably get punished, or worse.  We learn how to not take emotions to work because emotional […]

I was thinking about the journey of learning the other day, as I’m getting ready to start another course on leadership for a cadre of participants.  It’s an unusual course, as it allows a lot more time for unconventional mindfulness practices and self-reflection.  And I was thinking of what I would say to kick it off, as getting participants to buy-in to such unorthodox methods isn’t always an easy sell. Give me the formula In our fast-paced world we’re used to impatience, and we need the answers, and we needed them yesterday.  We want to be handed the content, the checklist, the model, or technique and then we want to know exactly how to apply it.  We have a “people problem” and we need it solved.  “Tell me what to say.  Tell me what to do.  This is a difficult person.  I need to know the exact words to say to get them to do what I want.”  But the interesting thing is life just doesn’t work that way.  Unfortunately, there’s not a model or a checklist for every possible thing that could happen and often in these types of situations we need to look within first and ask ourselves a few questions… Learning and growth is often messy Real growth and learning is often messy and can require us to lean into things that are frankly just uncomfortable.  I often mention this to potential coaching clients.  The path to growth is not an easy one, and it’s not linear.  Some days you might feel like you’ve taken two steps forward, and some days it might be a step back. Development is a messy, messy business. This reminds me of a situation many years ago when I went on sabbatical.  I talk about this in my book.  I was strung out, burnt out, and even more than that, disillusioned with life and the direction I was headed.  I was stuck in a job I never wanted and didn’t like, and I had ticked all the proverbial boxes and yet was miserably unfulfilled.  Learning and growth comes to those willing to stay open I went on sabbatical because I figured I needed some time out (which I did) and figured I’d distract myself with yoga teacher training.  In the end, the teaching of yoga was probably the least important thing I learned.  Don’t get me wrong, it was helpful.  But I learned something far greater than that, and something quite unexpected.  I started the long and arduous journey of practicing compassion for myself.  The long and arduous ride of stepping into my real power, because that’s what happens when you can accept every aspect of yourself.  And what a ride it’s been.  When I returned from my sabbatical, I sat down with my beloved boss Timothy, a boss who recognized the importance of self-discovery and gave me the space to start the journey for myself.  It took me forever to work up the courage to ask him for permission to go, […]

On my desk I keep a small statue.  It’s a beauty pageant participation trophy I got off the internet for $4.99 plus $19.99 in shipping and handling.  I even had my name engraved on it.  She sits proudly on my desk looking at me, all smug with her right hand coyly resting on her hip, standing up perfectly straight in her big poofy skirt with her sash draped proudly over her chest.  She sits on my desk not to remind me of the beauty pageant I never won (or even entered for that matter).  She sits there to remind me of the evils of striving for perfection.  And when you think about it, many of us get caught in this trap.  We get caught in the trap, and we don’t follow through.  We get caught in the trap and we give up before we’ve even started, because whatever we produce just won’t be good enough.  We won’t be good enough.  So why even bother? Or maybe we try and we don’t exactly meet the goal, or the target.  And then we beat ourselves up about it.  Here’s an example.  I set myself the goal of writing this blog once a week on January 1st of this year.  I’ve dutifully done it every week, except one in September when I was on vacation.  And then the end of the year rolled around and I’ve missed a week or two.  And then my thoughts the other day turned to – “See!  You didn’t do it.  You never follow through!  What kind of coach are you, you can’t even finish strong when you made a big deal about starting something.  You might as well give up, you hack!” I could really listen to that voice.  Tune into and wallow in my misery of failure.  Revel in the fact that I’m an impostor that doesn’t deserve to use the word coach.  I could do all that, and don’t think I didn’t think about it.  And then I took my own advice, and remembered sometimes it’s actually helpful to practice what you preach.  One of my favorite books which I often have clients read is one called Mindset, the new neuroscience of success.  In it, the author Dweck talks about the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.  Fixed Mindset = Proving The fixed mindset is all about proving.  Proving one is good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, that people like you.  (I’m hoping someone will catch the Stuart Smalley reference here…)  Many of us go through life locked into a fixed mindset a lot of the time.  As a result of it, we often have difficulty accepting criticism, rising to the challenge of something new or unexpected because we might fail or collaborating effectively with others because we view them as competition.  We have difficulty because the emphasis is on proving.  I have to prove I can finish what I start, and if I don’t, I’m an impostor.  Growth Mindset […]

In today’s blog we are continuing the story of Nora Pirsch, who recently transitioned from a yoga instructor to a UX designer.  Nora credits her strong mental attitude in being critical in making the transition! Nora Pirsch is a User Experience designer that specializes in human connections. The desire to improve people’s day to day lives, has been a theme throughout her adult life. She has spent 15 years of her life mastering her craft as a yoga instructor and now she has begun her path to improving her skills as a UX designer. Nora has always enjoyed a challenge, from facing stage fright to showing extreme patience with her naturally fermented bread baking, she never goes down without a fight. When she is not interviewing users, you can find her baking fresh pizza and going for long walks with her dog Finch. Shelley: Let’s talk about of interviewing and as it relates to resiliency. You told me it was something like 80 jobs you applied to, and I was blown away by that and just how resilient you are. How did you keep yourself mentally strong, considering that there were probably a lot of setbacks in this process for you? Nora: I had amazing support from school from colleagues that I went to school with, even from people that my mom reached out to that were in the tech industry, and they would tutor me, and find people to help me walk along the path. That’s step number one. And then, part of the after-graduation program was applying to 10 jobs a week, that was the criteria. So that was very difficult in the beginning because I was spending too much time on writing pretty and elaborate cover letters. I really recommend getting a very basic template, and then just add two to three sentences make it a little bit more directed at that company. And that’s it because you will wipe yourself out writing those cover letters. And honestly, what is it 92% Of the companies don’t look at your cover letter until you’ve gone through the ATS. Shelley: I normally tell candidates, don’t even submit one unless they specifically asked for it. Because a lot of times they don’t even get read. Create a Process – Work Smarter Not Harder Nora: A lot of the times they don’t, but my school did encourage it. Because if there’s a candidate that if you’re side by side with, and one has a cover letter and one doesn’t, they’re going to go with the one that paid a little bit more attention. I came up with a simple template and started applying to more jobs. And then I closely shadowed a couple of the students in my class that were very big go getters, and we became quick friends. She told me what she was doing and her tactics. And I was asked, “Can I can I steal that from you?”And she said, “Oh my gosh, of course.” Forget the requirements […]

Nora Pirsch Nora Pirsch is a User Experience designer that specializes in human connections. The desire to improve people’s day to day lives, has been a theme throughout her adult life. She has spent 15 years of her life mastering her craft as a yoga instructor and now she has transitioned her career to UX design. Nora has always enjoyed a challenge, from facing stage fright to showing extreme patience with her naturally fermented bread baking, she never goes down without a fight. When she is not interviewing users, you can find her baking fresh pizza and going for long walks with her dog Finch. You can connect with Nora here: www.norapirsch.com Part 1 – Nora’s career transition story:  Networking and Figuring Out What You REALLY Want Shelley:  Nora, share with me a brief history of your career up to the point you made your career transition. Nora: I was a full-time yoga teacher for about 15 years, I am still yoga teacher, but very, very part time now. And I really got into that because I wanted to travel a lot. And I wanted something that helped people improve themselves and feel better. So it seemed like a really good fit for me. And I still love teaching, I’ll never stop. It’s something that’s very close to my heart and part of me now. But about 10 years into it, I knew that I It wasn’t sustainable, what I was doing, teaching 10 to 12 classes a week, and just barely making paying the bills was really taking a toll on me. And it was hard because it’s something I love to do. But it wasn’t fulfilling me in other ways. So I knew I needed something different. I didn’t know what, so I was very, very gingerly putting my feelers out there for several years. And when COVID hit, I reevaluated what was important to me where I want to focus my time that I have on this amazing Earth. I just started asking questions, I started asking people, what do they do for a living. I really think a huge part of transitioning in general is reaching out and hearing other people’s stories, how did you get to where you are now, and those connections are invaluable. When transitioning you can get a lot of support that way too. And you can get a lot of leads that way into new jobs. CAreer transition tip: the power of Networking Shelley: Absolutely. You’re kind of alluding to informational interviewing, networking. And sometimes I have clients who are grappling with a career transition that really hesitate with that.  They get nervous, they don’t want to do it, their Gremlin/Inner Saboteur gets activated by the whole thing. What if people say no? Nora: I’ve always been kind of a natural connector. I’ve always been pretty good at that naturally. But what I would say is, what have you got to lose? And what do you have to gain? Looking at those two sides, […]