Career Coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Life Direction and Purpose, Motivation, Well Being
Are you comparing yourself to others? Look inward instead.
I look around and see everyone is pursuing these amazing careers and they have great lives. They all seem to know what they’re doing, and they have a purpose. I don’t understand why I can’t get in gear. What’s wrong and missing in me that I can’t figure it out? I hear this a lot as a career coach. And I also recognize it’s hard not to compare yourself to others. When we are caught up in the cult of comparison, we are often caught up in the trance of the inner critic. It’s our brain’s flawed way of trying to motivate ourselves to move into action by using comparison as the carrot to dangle in front of our faces or more aptly the switch to use on our backs. It works up to a point where it stops working as a motivator. We prove and we prove and we prove and then we get tired. And wonder what it was all for. And that is when we find ourselves on the messy path to growth. To wholeness. To uncovering our true value. When I first started out as a coach, my confidence was lower. I was trying something new; I was worried about whether I would be a success and I spent a lot of time and energy ruminating about what I was doing in relation to other coaches. I’d see their fancy LinkedIn posts of workshops they were running, filled with pictures of smiling participants, complete with slick materials bearing perfectly polished logos and I’d feel woefully inadequate. I’d use it as fodder to beat myself up with. I’d start to spring into action to post something, to plan something, in a desperate desire to compete, to put my own words out there too. And then I’d be riddled with thoughts about how my idea wasn’t as good. It would never work. And I’d abandon the idea to the graveyard we each have in our heads. Following your true north isn’t easy The inner critic comparison attack still happens from time to time for me, and chances it does for you too. But it looks a little different now. Recently I’ve turned down a few opportunities that have come my way, because I’ve sensed they weren’t the right path for me and didn’t resonate with my values. Perhaps they would have been right for a different coach, or if I had a different idea or vision for my business. And it was extremely hard to do because I knew deep down my inner critic wasn’t going to like it. I was afraid of the fire that I knew saying no would brew. Now Gertie (my inner critic) is telling me I was crazy to walk away from the revenue. Telling me I am woefully inadequate compared to the coaches that took that path and look how successful they are. And it’s getting in the way of progressing a couple of initiatives I want to kick off, which was […]
July 6, 2023
5 min read
Career Coaching, Emotional Intelligence, Well Being
Feeling stuck? Learn to recognize the pesky voice of your inner critic.
There’s often a disconnect between what we want and where we find ourselves in this journey called life. Maybe you come up with an idea of something to try or to learn, but you find yourself quickly dismissing it or finding reasons to rationalize why it would never work. We often mistakenly perceive these things as a lack of motivation. “I guess I just didn’t want it enough. But when I find the right thing, I’ll know it because I’ll suddenly be motivated and filled with an intense passion!” Wrong. Motivation doesn’t just fly out of the air when you find the right thing. There is no right thing by the way. Cultivating motivation and passion has a lot more to do with what voices you’re letting speak inside that crazy thing called your head, rather than the specific thing that you’re focused on. In my experience as a coach, folks typically are stuck for one of two reasons. The answer lies in the source of the stuckness, and whether it has to do with an outer block or an inner block. What is an outer block? An outer block is an external constraint or barrier that gets in the way of a person achieving their goal. It’s something that needs to be planned for, managed, and actively worked. Let’s say I’m thinking of making a career transition, and I want to move into finance. Education will obviously be a barrier to me achieving this goal if I know nothing about numbers. So identifying a course or a program to enroll in, using time management skills to plan for this course, budgeting for this course will be key. Outer blocks are relatively straightforward and easy to coach. The problem is that most of us suffer from inner blocks when there is a disconnect from where we currently are to where we want to be, when we feel stuck or are lacking motivation. The sinister world of the inner block and the inner critic In my time as a coach, I’ve never met a client (including myself) who didn’t suffer from inner blocks and the curse of the inner critic. An inner block is a deep-seated belief that who we are and what we are just isn’t good enough and will never be enough. We all have an inner critic. Mine’s name is Gertie. Here she is: Gertie loves to fly around my head at warp speed and bump into things. She squeals with glee as she yells, “You don’t work hard enough Shelley!” Deep down Gertie knows that I’m lazy and I’ll never do what it takes to finish that new initiative or project. That online leadership academy I’ve been thinking about building and piloting – What a silly pipe dream! And then I start thinking to myself, “Well, maybe it wasn’t that important after all. Maybe I just didn’t want it that bad.” Or maybe I do, and I just allowed myself to get derailed because the inner critic […]
May 8, 2023
5.3 min read
It was a privilege to work with Shelley as my leadership coach! The process was structured and yet flexible enough to meet needs as they arose. Shelley helped me to grow, learn more about myself, and to really achieve what I set out to accomplish. We worked on planning, navigating a promotion successfully, and so much more! I experienced many successes as a result of working with Shelley, she has great resources, knowledge, and really helps with setting the foundation to this coaching work. She won’t let you down!
Having the opportunity to have Shelley as my Leadership Coach could not have come at a better time in my career. I was recently promoted to CFO and was new to the Senior Management Team. Shelley helped me navigate joining the team as well as helped me to determine who I wanted to be as a leader. The Leadership Circle Profile helped our team to discover our blinds spots and to be able to understand each other better. Working with Shelley not only has affected my professional life in a positive way, but also my personal life. She helped me take leaps and has given me the resources to continue this journey of self-improvement. If you’re looking to find more about yourself and how you can be the best version of yourself, I highly recommend working with Shelley.
I have been working with Shelley for the past 2 years on my leadership development journey. What I thought would be a straight line, I soon learned with Shelley’s guidance, was a winding path with several ups and downs along the way. Shelley supported me as I took a deep dive into my professional and personal history and learned how it affects my approach and my perceptions. She helped me to slow down and recognize certain behaviors and understand that I can pivot in the moment or try again next time. Ultimately, my work with Shelley turned out to be so much more than what I expected. Her approach to coaching was exactly what I needed.
Senior Vice President, Consulting
I’ve learned more about leadership in the past six months working with Shelley than I have in my 10+ year career. She is an incredible coach with many tools in her toolbox. The guidance and mentorship I’ve received from Shelley has been life-changing. She will challenge your limiting beliefs and inspire new ways of thinking.
I highly recommend Shelley if you need a coach, thought partner, and guide as you consider the next steps in your career. She provides practical tools and advice to help launch your career exploration, but most importantly, she is an expert at helping you cut through the noise of your limiting beliefs. At the end of our time together, I had a much clearer vision of what I wanted in my life and a plan to make it happen. My only regret is that I didn’t find her sooner!
My career coaching sessions with Shelley have brought me back to living. It’s been contagious, spreading throughout my personal and professional life. I now have the building blocks I need to continue setting healthy boundaries, the freedom to show up as my authentic self, and an adaption of a growth mindset that has allowed me to make bold decisions and try new things. I’ve discovered that there’s always another way and how to eradicate barriers that lead to tunnel vision. These sessions with Shelley have been a great gift and have given me the momentum I need to continue the journey to be my best self.
It is amazing to think where I was only 10 months ago when I first started working with Shelley and where I am now. Not only professionally but mentally and emotionally. Shelley helped me navigate out of an unhealthy work environment by challenging me and asking me those tough questions we never seem to ask ourselves. What are the values of a true leader? How do those values align with my own? Shelley challenging me and guiding me through some of those tough questions is what led to my epiphany and me having the courage and confidence to leave an environment that threatened my well-being. She taught me how to become more self-aware and self-compassionate. Reminded me to be kind even when the world would understand if I did otherwise. And the biggest one for me, shutting down that crazy inner voice (we all have it!) and replacing it with being present. Shelley has armed me with tools that I will carry with me for a lifetime. Tools that will help me to continue to grow and learn. Life can be hard but working with someone like Shelley does make it easier. She will help you navigate the good and the bad and you’ll learn so much about yourself in the process.
Director of Marketing
First of all I would like to say that I would recommend Shelley to anyone needing career guidance. As my counselor Shelley helped me transition my career from bartending to Tech Sales which was a difficult and scary transition for me. From the start Shelley was fantastic. Initially I had no idea of which direction I wanted my career to go, I just knew I wanted it to go somewhere else. Shelley was so kind and patient as she helped me figure this out, and gave me a step by step guide on how to explore my options and make an educated decision. She also helped me assess my skill set which played a large part in directing my energy. I landed a great job within days of my final session with Shelley, and now I’m month 3 I am absolutely loving it and doing very well. It was the perfect job for me and Shelley was the one that got me there. Working with Shelley was one of the best decisions I have ever made, she literally changed my life and I am so much happier for it.