Feeling resentful about something? Think about this.
Giving feedback is never an easy task. I’ve recently mused about this topic quite a bit, and written a blog recently on the art of straight talk, which highlighted the three elements that are critical to doing this well. And then there’s real life. It’s one thing when it’s a colleague. It’s another thing when that colleague is also a very close friend. My friend Jenny and I have known each other for years, and we’ve also collaborated on a number of projects. She’s one of my favorite people, she’s funny, insightful, hardworking, caring and full of entrepreneurial spirit. She’s commonly the ideas person in our dynamic duo, and I work behind the scenes to help execute her ideas. Lately I’ve been experiencing some frustration relative to what I’m calling the whiplash effect. She has a grand idea, I rush behind the scenes to make it happen, and then it gets shelved. we create resentment when we don’t speak up And so, a couple of glasses of sparkling rose into a business lunch we were having the other day, out it came. I shared with her my frustration, and the grief this had been causing me. It wasn’t a perfect delivery as far as feedback is concerned. I didn’t follow each of the straight talk steps in perfect unison, but then again perfect is the enemy of good. I was still scared, even though she’s my friend. I was scared especially because she’s my friend and this relationship really matters to me. I fully expected her to listen, and she did. I fully expected her to acknowledge the frustration and the mixed messages she’d been sending, and she did. What surprised me was the text she sent me later on. “I’m going to do better.” And she expressed sincere concern for hurting my feelings and sending mixed messages. I had to ask myself why I was so surprised. And then I had a realization. I’m not used to people owning things. I’m not used to reciprocity in relationships. And this isn’t because I think other people are inherently selfish, or I was picking horrible people to surround myself with (although in some instances I could have done a better job on that front). In the past I often took the path of please and appease rather than assert myself and share my concerns. I took that path because I was desperate for people to like me, to have a ton of friends in my network. Unconsciously, this was a hidden measure of success. Interestingly it didn’t matter whether I liked them. I got used to giving more than my fair share. I got used to not sharing my voice or truth on things, then feeling resentful, and rather than expressing it, shoving it down and shaming myself instead. Then I’d have to find ways to numb the pain. Or it would spill out in other passive aggressive ways and ultimately pollute the relationship. when we know our worth, we can […]
September 2, 2022
4.3 min read
What I’ve Learned Along the Coaching Highway
Last week was international coaching week, I’m sure you had it marked on your calendar 🙂 The other day I had a conversation with my mentor coach, who asked me to think about what I’ve learned, since I started out. I thought back to my younger self fresh off the coaching certification block and I came up with quite a list. A key aspect of cultivating a growth mindset is to take a moment to reflect on everything you’ve accomplished, and congratulate your successes. To sit and take stock of how far you’ve come is one of the most rewarding things a person can do. It’s a shame most of the time we find ourselves just too busy to lean in. I wanted to share my list with all of you, so here goes… I have learned what real friendship looks like. I have learned that balance is a key component in any relationship worth having. I have learned there is no such thing as perfect. Practice makes better. I have learned to question my motivation for why I do things. Is it to grow and develop? Or is it to look good? I have learned not to rely on male attention for a feeling of self-worth. I have learned that true assertiveness is not falling back into old reactive patterns but choosing how I want to respond. I have learned to rely on the power of God. She is real. She is always with me, especially at my darkest moments. I have learned to recognize my strategies for numbing my emotions. And that to heal, I have to feel. I have learned that by doing this work, I am a better coach for my clients, and I can really show up for them. I have learned that sometimes I need to take space for myself, and that is okay. I have learned that transformation and change is possible. I have learned to ask myself what is it that I really want. I have learned to surrender and let God take control. I have learned that there will be darkness at times, and without darkness there can be no light. I have learned I can be motivated by new and exciting things that have nothing to do with money, power or prestige. I have learned to embrace my softness. I have learned what makes a good husband and a good wife. I have learned how to make my own choices. I have learned I don’t need flattery. I’ll take it, but I don’t need it. I have learned to love my height, every bit of being a six foot one woman. I have learned to live more fully in my body. I understand the importance of grounding in one’s body as a response to fear and trauma. I have learned the healing power of yoga. I have learned to stop name dropping. Nobody ever cared except for me anyway. I learned I like the piano. I have learned that I […]
May 26, 2022
3.8 min read
Life Direction and Purpose
Life Coach in Austin Offers Complementary Consult
Would You Like a Free 30 Minute Life Coaching Consultation? Shelley Pernot is a Life Coach in Austin, Texas, who has a strong track record helping her clients tackle the problems in their lives head on and create the lives and careers they desire. She is currently offering a free thirty-minute initial consultation to those looking for either a career coach or life coach in Austin, Texas. Speaking with a Life Coach in Austin An experienced local life coach in Austin, TX will be able to understand the challenges and stressors you face on a day to day basis. Perhaps you feel stuck in a dead end job. Or perhaps you hate your boss. Or perhaps you’re wondering why the relationship you desire continues to evade you. Chances are you’re getting in your own way, and you don’t even know it! Having held a number of high profile roles at fortune 100 companies, Shelley Pernot understands the pressures her clients face. Most importantly, she’s especially skilled at helping her clients reach their full potential and specializes in helping her clients “get unstuck.” Given these facts, why would you wait another moment to create the life that you desire? Contact Shelley Pernot today for a Free Life Coaching Consultation! If you’ve been thinking of making a call to kick start your life, Shelley Pernot is ready to listen and help you take the next steps to create a life and career you love. For a free 30-minute consultation, simply fill out this form or call (512) 200-4269. If you’d like to get a sense of Shelley’s work and how she approaches the life and career coaching process, download chapter two of her new book Running On Empty: The Irreverent Guru’s Guide to Filling up with Mindfulness here. It’s also available for purchase on amazon.
April 4, 2018
1.7 min read